When
Ally McBeal first hit the airwaves and my non-attorney friends began greeting me with
questions such as “How is my little Ally McBeal”, I dismissed such comments as
simple annoyances. As more and more of my friends started to refer to me as “their
Ally McBeal”, my dislike for her character escalated into an impassioned disdain and
I soon noticed that I would scowl back at my friends’ references to her with bitter
retorts stating that I hoped never to be associated with her characteristics.
On the scale of
comparative masochism, I can truly say that I would rather sit and watch Susan Estrich
debate Bay Buchanan on Geraldo Rivera Live all day long, seven days a week than have my
friends greet me with allusions to Ally McBeal. Admittedly, such a reaction is not healthy
and is a bit over reactive. When I learned several weeks ago that a significant portion of
young females view Ally Mcbeal as a role model, I think my blood pressure rose to a level
never before reached. Surely, if I did not deal with this anger, a stroke was on the
horizon. I decided to embark on some constructive self-analysis. So why do I dislike Ally
McBeal so intensely?
Where to begin? As an attorney, Ally McBeal’s character
embodies virtually every stereotype of female attorneys which my friends and I have
attempted to overcome professionally since we began practicing law. Each week, Ally McBeal
is portrayed as the stereotypical hysterical woman confronted with a situation which
leaves her on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Inevitably, in each episode, she seems to
approach all legal issue with virtually no legal analysis. Instead, when handling a legal
matter, which is a rarity, Ally McBeal’s personal life seems to take precedence as
she becomes consumed in a frenzy as to how the legal issue relates to her own personal
life, rather than focusing on her client and her client’s needs. Ally McBeal
personalizes every case that she handles. For example, when handling a divorce matter,
Ally McBeal fails to argue practically any legal analysis or case law in support of her
client’s position. Instead, she prepares by completing a retrospective on her life
and how the matter relates to her situation, and then she proceeds to make an impassioned
speech to the jury solely based on her own life experiences and the perfect life she seeks
so desperately.
Instead of practicing law, Ally McBeal spends most of her time
questioning why she has not found happiness in life and why her dream of having a
successful career coupled with an adoring husband and a few children has not been
fulfilled. In fact, Ally spends most of her billable hours deliberating whether she should
grant 
an individual the honor of a date with her tortured soul, or deciding whether
she should have an affair with her former boyfriend, Billy, who is currently married.
Indeed, for some inexplicable reason, Ally seems inevitably able to associate some issue
or aspect of any given case with some sort of attribute of Billy and the life that they
had, should have had, or could have. I often find myself questioning whether Ally McBeal
ever really works? Why do we never see Ally McBeal struggling to meet her firm’s
required minimum billable hours? By the way, how many billable hours is she required to
put in a year - 100? Moreover, why do we never see Ally McBeal, unlike most real-life
associates, burning the midnight oil to complete a legal brief or motion? And, really, how
many of us are out at a bar on the eve of a trial, rather than rehearsing our opening?
Also, how does Ally McBeal find the time to see a therapist ... especially during her
lunch break? Most associates don’t even have the time to develop psychiatric problems
which require therapy.
Criticism of Ally McBeal would not be complete without commenting
on her wardrobe. Now, it’s not that I believe female attorneys should be required to
wear long skirts and jackets when presenting a case in the courtroom. In fact, I am
admittedly a slave to fashion and you probably would never catch me wearing a skirt below
the knee. But, Ally McBeal’s hemline can at times be nothing short of ridiculous.
When in the courtroom, she might as well be wearing a sign that says “Pardon me, I
can’t think, but check out the legs.” I at times think that it is nothing short
of a miracle that she is able to sit without her hemline approaching her neck.
Perhaps it is David Kelley’s presentation of a stereotypical
professional, working woman consumed in her own emotion that truly grates on me. As
attorneys, my friends and I seek respect for our skills and strive to overcome the
stereotype that women are more concerned with dating and finding a husband than dedication
to their careers. This is not to say that family and social lives are not important, but
how are we to gain the confidence of our clients if they believe that we are innately
unable to focus on their legal problems? Each of us realizes that our clients are putting
trust in us for competent representation. Ally McBeal, on the other hand, has the
emotional maturity level of a seventh-grader and seems more concerned with her personal
trials and tribulations than with her professional practice.
Now, if David Kelly is simply attempting to portray a character
whose traits are gross exaggerations of qualities that we all possess, then he has
eminently succeeded. But, for all of those young women who aspire to emulate Ally McBeal
professionally, they might find better role models on David Kelly’s other program - The
Practice. It’s closer to the real thing.
