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It's A Pizza The Moment
You Put It In the Oven: Seinfeld, Abortion, and Meta-ethics
by Kenneth Wagner
In recent decades, television
programming has been handling topics that were at one time almost
unthinkable. Shows have dealt with issues such as racism, homophobia,
same sex marriage, and interracial relationships. One topic that
seems off limits however, is that of abortion. As Rachel Fudge
points out in an article in Clamor magazine: "As many commentators
have pointed out, as all of the old you-can't-do-that-on-television
taboos - sexual content, violence, cursing, nudity, homosexuality
- have fallen away, abortion is the one hot-button issue that
simply remains too hot for TV."
 Interestingly
enough one recent television program that bucked this avoidance
was the wildly popular, irreverent sit-com Seinfeld in
the episode titled 'The Couch.' In this episode, main
character Jerry and his friend Elaine go to a restaurant. At
the restaurant Elaine claims that she refuses to eat pizza from
a certain national pizza chain because "the owner contributes
a lot of money to those fanatical, anti-abortion groups."
Jerry is in disbelief, and asks her if she would eat at the present
business if it had the same leanings. Upon asking the owner,
"Poppie," his views and finding him against abortion,
she demands they leave the establishment. Later, Elaine begins
a relationship with a mover she saw at Jerry's apartment, but
must break with him too when she finds that he is pro-life.
In a biting satire of the controversy,
Poppie and Jerry's neighbor Kramer have a falling out that leads
to a dissolving of a business partnership when they disagree
about what toppings belong on a pizza. Poppie, symbolizing the
pro-life stance, declares "but we cannot give the people
the right to choose any topping they want" while Kramer
emphatically states, "What gives you the right to tell me
how I would make my pie?" Mocking the philosophical arguments
engaged in over the rights of the fetus Kramer claims, "It's
not a pizza until it comes out of the oven", while Poppie
holds "It's a pizza the moment you put your fists in the
dough!" Thus ends their partnership.
This episode brings up a major
point of interest to legal scholars and philosophical ethicists.
Many hold that matters of ethics are objective matters, that
they are akin to saying that person A is taller than person B
is, or that one comet moves faster than another does. Those who
cannot or will not see such objective facts about the world are
either mistaken or evil. The philosopher Immanuel Kant thought
something like this, seeking to ground his ethics in 'categorical
imperatives' grounded in reason. For example, any reasonable
person could see that the ethical imperative "Lying is right"
must be incorrect (and its negation correct) since if applied
categorically the imperative cannot even be stated (if lying
is right, then one should lie and not say it is right)!
On the other hand, many philosophers
believe that ethics are more like matters of taste than like
matters of fact. David Hume for example thought we projected
ethical properties (such as "wrong" and "right")
onto the world. This is called projectivism. Reason has a small
role to play in these matters, but essentially, it is akin to
arguing over which picture is more pleasing or what soda tastes
better. As he put it in his famous quote, "Reason is and
ought to be the slave to the passions."
Like most ethical arguments,
these stances find footing in legal debates. Many who think that
ethical matters are objective matters find a home in the growing
natural law movement. Later thinkers such as Aristotle and Aquinas
first put forward natural law ideas, reasoning that the nature
of human beings and therefore right and wrong (which spring from
our nature) is a matter discernible by reason. Later day natural
law proponent Robert George puts it this way "In his formal
account of natural law as a participation in what he called the
'eternal law,' Aquinas says that although God directs brute animals
to their proper ends by instinct, God directs man--made in God's
image and likeness and thus possessing reason and freedom--to
his proper ends by practical reason through which men grasp the
intelligible point of certain possible actions for the sake of
ends (goods, values, purposes) which, qua intelligible,
provide reasons for choice and action" (Remarks to the 1998
American Political Science Association) . Of course, many pro-choice
theorists also lay claim to natural law (see for example Ronald
Dworkin Life's Dominion; Alfred A. Knopf, 1993). The point
for this essay is that they see the matter as one of reason and
facts.
A different legal philosophy
lies in the positivism of John Austin. Austin argues that laws
are not anchored in nature, but are commands of the sovereign.
A legal positivist would note the argument made by Justice Harry
Blackmun in Roe v. Wade that there is no right to life
in the U.S. Constitution for 'persons unborn' since the document
(in the 14th Amendment) grants rights only to citizens 'born'
in the nation. The positive law, not an abstract, discernible
'law of nature' decides the case.
After reviewing these ivory
tower academic and law school theories on the issue of abortion,
the nature of law and ethics it is easy to see where the episode
of Seinfeld stands. Clearly, the tone is one of mocking
those who, like Elaine and her boyfriend, see ethics as an objective
matter. Their commitment to their abstract position is seen as
dooming their happiness in this concrete and immediate relationship.
This is satirized perfectly by the parallel situation between
Kramer and Poppy, whose partnership is ruined when they each
take absolutist positions on what is clearly a matter of taste
(how a pizza should be prepared). Meanwhile Jerry, the stand
up comedian, plays David Hume, marveling that folk would confuse
reality with their own projections on it and that they let matters
of taste ruin real friendships and social ties. As Hume has been
referred to as a philosophical practical joker this seems a very
fitting symbolism.
Posted July 12, 2005
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